And I don’t know if I can stick on my blog.

Can u see the picture?

If you can’t see it, I’m wirting down:

A college class was told they had to write a short story.

In as few words as possible. The instruction were:

(1)religion                 (2)sexuality                     (3)mystery

Below is the only A+ short story in the entire class.

“Good god, I’m pregnant; I wonder who did it?”

Left left right right go turn around go go go

Left right left left right right

Left left right right left left right right go turn around go go go

Jumping grooving dancing everybody

Rolling moving singing night and day

Let’s fun fun together let’s play the penguin’s game

Smacking beating clapping all together

Rocking bumping screaming all night long

Let’s go everybody and play again this song

(Repeat!)

    A farmer who lived in a small village suffered from a severe pain in the chest. This never seemed to get any better. The farmer eventually decided that he would consult a doctor in the nearest town. But as he was a miserly person he thought he would find out what he would have to pay this doctor. He was told that a patient had to pay three pounds for the first visit and one pound for the second visit. The farmer thought about this for a long time, and then he decided to go and consult the doctor in the town.

    As he came into the doctor’s consulting room, he said casually, “Good morning, doctor. Here I am again.” The doctor was a little surprised. He asked him a few questions, examined his chest and then took the pound which the farmer insisted on giving him. Then the doctor said with a smile, ”Well, sir. There’s nothing new. Please continue to take the same medicine I gave you the first time you came to see me.”

A man has escaped from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on the top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he’s in there, the husband tell his wife:

“Listen, this guy is an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck,”If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you.”

To which his wife responds:”He wasn’t kiss my neck, he was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you too!!~”

(hahahahahahahahahahahah, really funny!~)

The other replies,”That’s crazy,you don’t know nothing about no lion taming.”

“Yes,I do.”

“Well, OK, answer me this. When one of those lions comes at you all roaring and biting, what you gonna do?”

“Well, then I  take that big chair they all carry, and I stick it in his face until he backs down.”

“Well, what if the lions takes that big paw, and hooks the chair with them big claws, and throws that chair out of the cage? What do you do then?”

“Well, then I takes that whip they all carry, and I whip him and whip him until he backs down.”

“Well, what if that lion bites that whip with his big teeth, and bites it in two? What do you gonna do then?”

“Well, then I take that gun they all carry, and I shoot him.”

“Well, what if that gun doesn’t work? Waht will you do then?

“Well, then I pick upsome of the shit that’s on the bottom of the cage, and I throw it in his eyes, and I run out of the cage.”

“Well, what if there ain’t no shit on the bottom of the cage? What you gonna do then?”

“Well, that’s dumb. Cause if that lion comes at me, and he throws the chair out of the cage, and he bites the whip in two, and my gun don’t work, there’s going to be some shit on the bottom of the cage, you can bet on that.”

(what’s last sentence mean?)

About this time it is not a joke, it’s a lyric of a song.

Inconsolable

I close the door

Like so many times, so many times before

Felt like a scene on the cutting room floor

When I let you walk away tonight without a word

I try to sleep, yeah

But the clock is stuck on thoughts of you and me

A thousand more regrets unraveling, ooh

If you were here right now, I swear,

I’d tell you this

Baby I don’t want to waste another day

Keeping it inside it’s killing me

Cause all I ever want, it comes right down to you.

To you!

I’m washing I could find words to say

Baby I would tell you everytime you leave,

I’m inconsolable

I climb the walls, yeah

I can see the edge but I can’t take the fall, no

I’ve memorized the number

So why can’t I make the call?

Maybe’ cause I know you’ll always be with me

In the possibility

Baby I don’t want to waste another day

Keeping it inside it’s killing me

Cause all I ever want, it comes right down to you

To you!

I’m washing I could find the words to say

Baby I would tell you every time you leave

I’m inconsolable

I don’t want to be like this

I just want to let you know

Everything that I’m holding

Is everything I can’t let go, can’t let go

Cause baby I don’t want to waste another day

Keeping it inside it’s killing me

Cause all I ever want, it comes right down to you

I’m washing I could find the words to say

Baby I would tell you every time you leave

I’m inconsolable

Don’t you know it baby

I don’t want to waste another day

I’m washing I could find the words to say

Baby I would tell you every time you leave

I’m inconsolable

INCONSOLABLE…

(So long a lyric is, @_@)

A man walk up to the bar with an ostrich behind him, and as he sits, the bartender asks for their order.

The man says”I’ll have a beer”and turns to the ostrich. “What’s yours?” “I’ll have a beer too”says the ostrich.The bartender pours the beer and says “That will be $3.40 please” and the man reaches into his pocket and pays with the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again, and the man say “I’ll have a beer” and the ostrich say “I’ll have the same” Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This became a routine until late one evening, the two enter again. “The usual?” asks the bartender “Well, it’s close to last call, so I’ll have a large Scotch.”says the man. “Same for me”says the ostrich. “That will be $7.20″says the bartender. Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the bar.

The bartender can’t hold back his curiosity any longer. “Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket everytime?”

“Well”says the man, “several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found this old lamp. When I rubbed it and a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever needed to pay for anything, I just put my hand in my pocket and right amount of money will be there.”

“That’s brilliant!”says the bartender. Most people would wish for a million dollers or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!” “That’s right! Whether it’s a gallon of milk, or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there.”says the man.

“That’s fantastic!”says the bartender. “You are a genius! … Oh, one other thing sir, what’s with the ostrich?”

The man replies, “Oh, my second wish was for a chick with long legs.”

JOKE: 

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed.

She told him “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!!”

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out of the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driverway, brought the box back in the house.

 She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

JOKE is over. But i don’t know what relationship between the gift and 0 to 200 in 6 seconds?